Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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