We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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