Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
