I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize