i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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