happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
