He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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