dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
