mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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