wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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