Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize