just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
