Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
