3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
