you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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