Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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