every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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