Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You are a genius and a whore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
