one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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