I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
