I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
