i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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