Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
