So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we're making bets on your personal life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
