White coat. Heels.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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