Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
