you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize