do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
