I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
