Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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