my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
