HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize