evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
