what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
