It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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