Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Are my feet made of real feet?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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