Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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