Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
