He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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