I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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