well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Text me some of your sweat
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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