watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
