respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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