you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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