I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
