I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
