By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
