I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
