Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
