do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
