i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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