sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
