He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
