I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
