hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
