god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
