Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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