I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
