the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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