Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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