what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
