His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
