im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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