Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Randomize
