i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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