he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize