bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Someone signed my nipple.
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