hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
