Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
