Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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