You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
