omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
