so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
