Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
