i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
