Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
