I wish my penis had an off switch
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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