I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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