you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
