plz talk dirty to me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize