Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
