This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
