party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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